"Mom, why did dad go to war?"

"Where is your heart?

Humanity, rise!

You think you are Gods, hah,

But everyone dies."

"1944" - Jamala

I can't remember the last time I saw in a movie the typical scene where an official or someone of the kind is carrying a country's flag (normally the U.S., because it's obvious other countries are not populated by humans, who dares to say the opposite?) and a fallen soldier's boots for their (I mean, his; these movies are not smart enough to feature women in the army) widow, normally with a sad song as a backing. It's always made me laugh, especially when there's that living stereotype known as child (or, in this case, orphan) crying and doing sad things because, oh my God, sadness and such.

NOT a career to choose for fun.

Honestly, if someone has gone to war (especially considering the usual role the U.S. have in wars) and I'm told they're dead, I think I just earned a reason to be happy: this world has one less murderer to care about. If one of my parents decides to become a soldier right now, in the state Spain is in, I don't need them to die to consider myself an orphan anyway.

I'm not saying all soldiers are inherently bad: I'm saying if a country is not being forced into war, every person allowing bellic conflict to involve it, which includes the country's army, is equally responsible for the consequences of that war. Not all of the country's population, but the army: if the Paris attacks had affected only militars as a revenge for bombing Syria as if they had any business there, I'd be inviting all of you to a big party at my place; sadly, a serious tragedy happened instead.

But then there's the case: a country is forced into war. When is this possible?

1. Causes from inside the country (see also, civil wars).
2. Invasion, which is caused by the existence of soldiers from another country.

And, even then, it seems obvious to me that, basically, wars can only be caused by three factors: money, power and glory (and, yes, that's the title of a Lana Del Rey song, I know). The slogan of "protecting your country" only works because people are dumb enough to buy it. If our countries were in any actual danger, believe me, as civil population, we'd notice. Rare thing is, now we just happen to be in a seemingly dangerous time in Europe: it seems the fact that Americans annihilated Iraqis a decade or so ago made somebody angry and now someone else has to pay for it.

I don't even know why I'm writing this. Keep glorificating murderers and crying on social media when the families of their victims come to Europe and kill us, then instantly relate refugees to that. Isn't that ethical?

Situational loneliness

"No one here to save me drowning,
'cause, baby, you're not here with me...

And I keep calling, calling
Keep calling, cause...

Now my heart awakes to the sound of silence"

"Sound Of Silence" - Dami Im

I'm a bit of a walking contradiction at times. I always tell myself I'm building myself up by expressing artistically, mainly through drawing and writing, and, though I know that's what I should focus on, I still want to commit the psychological suicide entering in a romantic relationship represents.

It seems like an inherent need. When I was in my first relationship, I didn't realize how disasterous it had been until almost a year from breaking up: I had been psychologically abused, kept for the sake of being with someone and finally substituted with a cis girl, and it took me ten months to realize it hadn't been my fault. Even after having been telling myself for so long that "I'm a monster and nobody will ever love me," I still seem to need to force events towards a future relationship of the same kind.

I know I can't blame anyone but me, but I also know I'm far more worth it than the way any man could have treated me in a relationship so far. However, I acknowledge how close to the most I can aspire to that is: I can't ask for someone to adapt completely to my expectations, and nobody's perfect soulmate exists; that's precisely what makes these relationships interesting.

My conclusions from all of my reflections are just that it's not that I must not give up on trying to get a satisfactory relationship: it's just that the only way to win the game is giving up. I know I must give me time to spend on myself, on progressing both as a person and on the things I like to do, on moving forward in my way... But I see myself surrounded by desirable men, by chances, by my own loneliness...

And I keep wondering if there is a chance one of them could approach me.

Wattpad, furries and glowsticks

(EXPLICIT LANGUAGE WARNING)

 

  
"Alright, how would it make you feel if I said you never made me cum?
In the year and a half that we spent together,
Yeah, I never really had much fun."

"Not Big" - Lily Allen

 (The content of this post is an exaggeration. I have found well-written pieces on Wattpad and I'm really happy with the existing content, but I also think in most cases enjoying one of those stories requires growing a sort of resistance against poor language, at least for me.)

Honestly, I don't think I have to specify anything about my likes anymore. It's not (only) that I made them more than explicit in last post, it's that I think they are not something I must hide; at least, not yet. Of course, as a person who has certain likes, I like to find well-made content around the Internet regarding those; not only sexual content, of course.

However, while in areas like image or multimedia I'm proud to say people with my same likes have created a really rich variety of content, when it comes to literature I find myself frustrated: I am sure and full of hopes that I haven't known every piece of content out on the Net, but I've known a few so far, and I've been pretty disappointed to be honest. Let me express why.

I consider two aspects to be determining of the quality of a writing, and those are content and linguistics. I have to be fair to both myself and the compositions I'm talking about and admit their content is not bad. Actually, I would say it's quite good, and that's why, while none of those have reached an 8 out of 10 for me, neither any of them have fallen lower than a 5 on the same scale.

The problem is, then, linguistics. I think I speak for a considerable fraction of Humanity when I say issues like arbitrary capital letters after commas (or semicolons) or the absence of them at the start of paragraphs can be a bit annoying for readers. I'm pretty sure they don't represent an important problem for the specific public that content is meant to get to, but I also think that the number of people inside that category could easily grow if they were solved.

Another story is stereotypes and homogenity. At first, one could find bara/yaoi furry stories on Wattpad cute, sexy and nice, but I think that feeling withers away a bit after the fourth time of reading the same with different authors and slightly different narrative frames. I think that, inside the (good and likable for me, I'm not saying the opposite) festival of bellies, muscles and erupting volcanos and glowsticks, something new and exciting could easily spice things up; like, let's say, an actual plot.

"The glowing liquid was running through my dark ass..."

Why not make a more or less complex story that makes readers laugh, feel and think (think!) where sexual scenes are a side element? Stories of the kind with plots are easy to find, and sometimes good, but they usually fall to the category "the 99% of the things happening here is an excuse for these two to fuck and the resting 1% is my teenage life problems;" I mean, please.

However, I do believe in furry writers. And I do believe in the authors of the stories I've read so far. I just fall to think I'm not part of the collective to enjoy their creations, and that is okay. They might annoy me, make me visit a hospital or two because of eye infection and cry out of frustration, but the only one causing that is me. But I do know what to do as well: if I want content for the likes of me to exist, someone has to start creating it, and that may as well be me! I know I'm as inexpert and bad at writing as the authors I've been talking about are, but I also know I'll get better with time and that means I'll be able to write something actually enjoyable some day.

Because there should be content for everyone to enjoy out there!