A naive engagement towards personal action

 

"You make me wanna die"

"Make Me Wanna Die" - The Pretty Reckless

I have a huge problem: when I hear about what happens in the world, or even what happened in my country in the past, the implications of the happenings being spoken about get stuck in my head. It depresses me, and can chase me for days before the emotional response it creates in me goes away. For that time, I can almost only dream about that, mostly about me changing things. It's really hard for me to convince myself that, at least for now, there's nothing I can do about it, and that the most effective thing I'm to do is relaxing and stop concerning myself in such a way.

Sometimes I wish I hadn't read anything. If I didn't know the things I know and didn't have the convictions I have, I could still live that unconcerned life I lived when all I did was drawing furries and writing stories about them on Wattpad. Life was artistical, sexual, musical, colorful back then, and it didn't involve Kurdish people being bombed by the fascist government in Turkey: it was a blind, self-focused imaginative life, and it was perfect. Wanting to go back to it, though, seems like a disposal of responsibility; nothing is going to be done if nobody cares in the first place.

But I do feel impotent either way. I know there must be something that can be done to induce action by those who can actually have a determining role on the situation, but I don't know what to do. I must keep in mind that I'm underage and unknowing of any association or group with this objective, so there might really be nothing I can do now, apart from trying my best to raise awareness. I know the perfect engagement on this is calmness, keeping oneself together and, without getting obsessed or depressed about the subject, trying one's best to help the cause, but probably I still need a lot of thought to give myself in order to reach it.

I do want to live naively, and I do want to go back to being able to see life the way it was. I do want to help, and I do want to be part of the solution, but I also want my life back. I know it's my mindset that is wrong, but it seems so hard to change or get rid of...

How art creates the artist

"You're the creation,

You're the reason,

You're the rising sun,

And the colours in my mind."

"Creation" - The Pierces

I like to say we all have an untamable and violent beast inside us, it kicks us and crashes us until we let it have its freedom, and we can only set it free for a little while, whether its in a drawing, in a song, or in a writing. It's the desperate need for self-expression.

It's only when we let that vicious monster out of us, that we feel that we are building ourselves, that we are getting to count somehow, leaving a mark, a proof that we've been there. When something horrid and morbidly amorphous has come from the most obscure spot of our being and has reached an audience in the shape of a beautiful creation.

And it's that terrible reflection of us, left for ourselves to see in everything we do, that makes us somehow. We see this when we realise the character we created for a story is just a slightly modified version of what we could never avoid being, when we become words or lines on a paper drawn by an illusory and unreal creation of our imagination, then, is when we're created.

We're never truly born until we're made, and only our imagination can make us.

"S.W." 6

"You're told to write a composition in order to make your mark a bit less shameful. However, a group of Russian scientists found that if you don't, the world is going to implode. You know they are serious because they're Russian. The future is in your hands!"

Somebody once asked me "hey, how are you feeling?"

That question, with all its simplicity and the fairest of intentions, submerged my consciousness into a state of confusion and reflection, in which the word "feel" constantly gained and lost an enormous quantity of obscure meanings, where everything I could think of about my current state flowed inside my head like a raging current in the middle of the ocean willing to merge with the air and reach the wind above.

Words came and went from my thought like nervous rabbits exploring an infinity of new holes to stay in, always coming back in the form of a possible response, without success. I didn't want to say anything too shallow, but I didn't want to refer to Descartes' concept of divinity either.

So I looked at them, opened my mouth, and, with a big smile, I said:

"I am the Queen of the Universe. The waves part, they engulf me and the water is warm."

I think I might have scared them a bit.

S.W. 5

"You suspect a friend of yours suffers from nomophobia but doesn't want to accept it. Write a conversation with him/her in which you explain why you think so and suggest possible measures to help him/her overcome this addiction."

ME. Hello!

THAT PERSON. Hi!

ME. I don't want to sound nosy, but, are you okay? You look anxious.

THAT PERSON. It's nothing, don't worry. I left my cell at home, and it concerns me. I might be missing something important!

ME. Oh, are you waiting for an important call? What is it?

THAT PERSON. I don't know yet! I have to check!

ME. Wow, you're trembling! Is everything fine?

THAT PERSON. Maybe Stacy has sent me a message!

ME. Stacy? But you hate Stacy! Even the stray cat next street hates Stacy!

THAT PERSON. Who cares about Stacy? It's rude not to respond!

ME. Whoever it is who texts you, I'm sure they can understand you might not be able to answer for a moment!

THAT PERSON. But everyone is going to hate me!

ME. No, they won't! And if they do, then they can't have been very good friends either way!

THAT PERSON. But I don't want to be alone!

ME. You won't be, I'm here. Come with me, we'll have ice cream and discuss about the role of means of production within socialism, it's going to be fine!

THAT PERSON. O... Okay.

S.W. 4

"Write a letter to an imaginary pen pal from a very different country. Tell him/her about the most common pets in the country where you live and the problems and advantages of them. Ask him/her about similar questions in his/her own place. Express opinions, suggest ideas..."

Hi! It's me, H!

I'm sorry I couldn't write to you lately, we had some problems here, our cat Iris was sick and we were very worried about her!

Speaking about cats, we have four more now! Tigreta got children, we named them Petitó, Tarat, Loki and Yuichi! I named Yuichi after you because he's always so nice and loving, and he somehow likes to listen to the crazy things I say, so I looked at him and said, "oh, my God! It's Yuichi!"

I'd say, though, that the most common pets around here are dogs. We don't really like them in my family, we rather find them to be stinky and annoying, and we wouldn't be happy about waking up with the floor full of dog poop!

I was wondering, are cats popular there in Japan? I once saw in a video that there are cafes with cats so they accompany the clients during their stay! I found it to be an amazing idea, Catalonia should embrace cat cafes!

So, do you have any pets? I'd love to read from you, it's been long!

Meow,

H

S.W. 3

"Learning English my way"

Once upon a time, there was a young girl willing to learn a foreign language from scratch. She wasn't very motivated, and she thought of herself as lacking of the resources the task before her eyes required.

Consequently, she proposed to herself gaining a motivation source as her first goal. So she imaginated her ideal man, with all his greatnesses, but with one downfall: the only language he could ever speak or understand was that which she was to learn.

Once she was motivated for her objective, or maybe just aroused by her creation, she was suddenly enlightened by her possibilities. As the feeling of helplessness that had overwhelmed her at the beginning nimbly dashed towards the distance, she became able to identify one crucial tool for her mission: the Internet.

Hence, with the help of an app called Duolingo, she gained the force and inspiration to finally proceed on her purpose.

And that is the story of how I started learning Italian, because I don't remember how I did it with English.

S.W. 2

"Write about the influence of psychologists in our society. Are they well considered? Could they be the answer to our psychological necessities?"

My brother is studying psychology. It's been his passion for most of his life, but the truth is that he's had to work really hard to get as far as he is and he's still far from being done, even if he's just two months away from getting his degree.

Our mother loves to help others. She's a caring person who enjoys listening to others and, according to herself, she's got a supernatural talent: she can read others' past, present and future in cards, so others come to her as a listener and foreteller.

However, though I do not intend to diminish my mother's labour on putting others on ease, I do see a problem in it having a higher social acceptance and credibility than my brother's, which is sustained by centuries of research, review and correction. Psychology, like democracy, is one of those things which only become useful if the society they're in is mature enough.